Dull Pencil

“Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.”

Writing is one of the specialties of every Communication students, yet it is something that I am not inclined to, more than that, one of the skills I was not gifted with. That is one of the weaknesses that I vigorously accept and own. It is my desire to keep up with my classmates to be able to come up with a good work but I can’t, simply because of the bluntness of my head which would readily form fragments and run-on sentences, and of course, what I term as disability to use well symbols, letters, commas, subject-verb agreements, and other reading rules of grammars. I want to keep up with my classmates in writing, but then I remain a hopeful, having all the frustrations and desperation to come up with a composition that my grammar teacher would not return without all the read marks on it. I remember how my high school English teacher would comment on my work of art. How she loves using red ink on my paper and did many doodles to understand. How I would be nervous the time she comes in with no fear of how my formal theme would look bloody red. I can remember as well how Microsoft word would show bottle green marks on my composition. All the green line that shows my sentences were not grammatical correct, either it is a run-on or a fragment. But then, during these times, I told myself, “it’s okay June, life is really like that. Don’t worry, you are good in Filipino”. Such words would be soothing for me.

I always think and even tell myself that every time the class comes in “writing for print”, in every activity that we have I can’t give good piece of writing, simply because I’m not good at it, thus I’m not into it. But then, I have to, I’m enforced to do this things  since it is included in my course and syllabus that I am required to take to be able to graduate. More than that, I have to overtake this course with embarrassing moments included and acceptance of the fact that I'm weedy when it comes to this matter and consciously noting but still can’t note sentence structure and the right nouns, subject- verb agreement and the right adjectives to use. I regret why I still take courses that my brain is incapable of especially in this subject.

There is a truth in me that envy how good my classmates write. Their thoughts are nice, their writing are first-class, their composition is like the one I read in printed materials, or close to it or almost liked it. I oftentimes feel bad to myself, If I had given a chance to be a good writer my words will enlighten and encourage everyone to have a bunch of future. Admit it or not I can say that I am one of the frail in the class. There is no aptitude in me that would help creating a feature stories like what my classmates do and especially I doesn’t have the talent of thinking good ideas or topics. I can’t be like my classmates as a good writer.

When the worst moment comes like this one, sometimes I just told myself that “June you can do it, I trust in you,” believing in myself is always the best weapon for me. I’m forcing myself to be devoted in writing with all my best to survive in this matter and come up with a great one. Neither did I write so supreme, at least I did my best  to show them  all that I can also do what they can. Not only that, we all have the right to be a good writer even at least once, I just want to experience my least trim level to my classmates. I know that someday I would discover myself to be great writer. Maybe I could call myself as late bloomer as of now.

I remember the saying that life is inequitable, maybe for me, life is inequitable because I have no flair as a good writer. However, I can remember that there are things I could do better than my classmates. They covet me for that. And so, I guess life is fair after all. At least we all have talents and the Divine Master who created us, made us different from one another isolating all the talents we have. Also, this force us to work hard and be better in the talent you are not incline to. This is not to compete with others, but to compete with our own self.

 The day as I learn to love writing will be a big help for me to be on top and mark to others to realize that I am not blunt in writing. This is something I can prove to myself too. Someday, I will have a great thinking capacity of creating a good stories and coming up with great ideas as we go on in the subject. Sooner or later I will be writing for pleasure and not with pressure. I believe that the longer we study the longer we learn, I am willing to go to the process no matter how long it will take. This could help me be sharp minded in writing and in expanding my knowledge. I must focus on it and pursue hard to achieve that goal. I only have one competitor, and my that is my own self. And then, maybe, I can make it, to learn and change myself. June who despises writing today would be one of the most and honorable writer in a decade, Remember this name, June Alido Tolentino will be seen and red by my English Professors and Classmates that will make them proud and say to others that June is my former student, classmate and friend who doesn’t like writing and now standing alone engaging to be a writer.